Happy early Birthday! 

There is a song that says " Baby shame on you, if you fool me once Shame on me if you fool me twice"...Thought-provoking, especially tonight.

I never thought in a million years I would be a blogger, but here I am...guess nothing is impossible anymore.

I am so FRUSTRATED! I had this perfect fairytale thing going on, and now it's out the window. All because I said something that was way misinterpreted...I think. I don't know exactly what happen, just that in the past twenty-four hours I went from the top of the clouds, to crawling through mud. Maybe someone would like to clue me in...please?

So there's this guy, we will call him Rock...no Brock, rock is just weird. Anyways, so Brock, I meet him at a church thing, and I've seen him before, but it's always been one of those "Oh wow he's hot, but probably taken", and not really a second thought. Besides I was happily dating someone else. Well, that happy-with-someone-else ended just recently, and I went to a church thing, where I met Brock.  It surprised me, but i still thought it was not possible, I thought he was still with this girl I went to school with. But after the activity, he started talking to me...oh gosh, I fell hard and fast.  He was telling me all this stuff about how he liked me for so long, and everyone told him he should date me, but he dated this other girl because he thought I didn't want anything to do with him...all that stuff that girls want to hear from a prince charming. It was so...comfortable just talking with him. Just being with him felt so right, so different. HaHa don't get me wrong...I didn't fall in love with him, but I knew from that night that I could fall for him, and it could work. The next couple nights were a whirlwind, yeah we definitely had the initial attraction. He asked me to date him on like the second or third night, but told me he wanted me to think about it. I was kinda worried, because he still talked a lot about his ex...but  I like him so much, so I said I would think about it.  My first mistake, I'm guessing.

So that night, and all the next day, I could not get Brock out of my head. I was scared to make that commitment. I've been serious-to-marriage before, and ended up falling flat on my face from that one. I knew if I said yes, I would be saying that that would probably happen. I argued both sides with myself all day long, which made me very distracted at work lol. Then I prayed about it...long and hard. And it still felt right. Being with him, it just felt right. So I mustered up all my courage to say yes...called my best girl friend up, and gained some moral support, and then he called. I was so excited!! Way premature on that reaction...it turned out he had spent the whole day thinking too and had decided he was not over his ex (who, by the way,  he spent a good half hour telling me how he didn't really like her that much) and he wanted to be fair to me and yadda yadda yadda. I guess he meant well, but wow all the air went out of my bubble real fast. I didn't exactly react very well...lots of crying let me tell you.

But I got over it, and I still really liked him, so I told him I was okay with just being friends. I mean I hadn't said yes, so even though it was just like a break up, it ended up just being a re-establishment of our relationship...if that makes sense. We made plans for later that week, but ended up not hanging out because he had to help a friend with some work. The following week at church...oh wait, so that was YESTERDAY, he was so amazing. Just fun and flirty and every feeling I had shoved aside for that week apart came flying back in one huge tidal wave. That never happens to me. What is supposed to happen, and usually does for me, is that I like someone alot, they blow me off, I get over it and move on. Ugh, I tried so hard...tried to think of things that would make me not want him...without success. I am totally smitten. A group of us stayed after, chatting a bit, until the group suddenly disappeared and Brock and I were left there. I wasn't sure what to do, since what happened the week before was so crazy, one huge high and low in one week. But he pulled me close and just hugged...gosh I melted. I'm still melting thinking about it. We talked for awhile longer, but not much because he had to be up early, and we talked about his ex some. He said she was jealous we were hanging out, and I said that she probably wanted me gone and fast. I know I would if the roles were reversed since she wants to date him when she gets back, or so I am told. Within our short little conversation about what was going on and the "drama" that seemed to be caused, I opened my mouth. I should have known better. We moved on and I told him my plans about school, and work and stuff...but I shoulda guessed. Anyways, our wires got crossed, and something must have got misinterpreted because now I'm being called a liar, and that I am never to speak to him again.

So now I have a missing Prince Charming, and I don't quite know what to do. My best guy friend says that if he's worth anything, he'll come after me, but I should just walk away from the drama. I suppose he is right, but I don't think it's fair that I lose a fight I never had the opportunity to win. I want my Prince...and I don't like backing down. I just don't want to push him away either though....Gosh I'm no good at being a girl. I can't play games, and win people over, I'm just me. So dangit, what can I do????????